kindness

be THAT girl who shares her story…

~ admin ~ 2 Comments

When someone shares with you a piece of their story, they’re giving you a gift.

Tj Aneca

“Babe, I need to talk to you about something”…

Not the words I wanted to hear in that moment that night. I remember it like a broken record in my head. Those 9 words changed my life in ways I could never have imagined. Thirty-nine years, living a life that was working and with that one sentence my whole world flipped. Not how I saw my life playing out at all.

Thinking that he needed to talk to me about the kids, as we lay side by side in the dark as we usually do right before we fall asleep, I asked him “what’s up?” “Teej, I can’t do this anymore.” Silence. “I can’t continue to help lead a congregation when I don’t truly believe that this religion is true.” Silence. “I am leaving the church.” Tears. “If you and the kids decide you want to continue to go, I will support you and go with you but just know that my heart is not there.” More tears.

So many thoughts were swirling around in my head but none of my words would come out. Just tears. I don’t think either of us really slept much that night. You could feel the sad tension between us. In my mind I played out every scenario. We continue to go and I ask him to join us. The kids and I continue to go without him with us. I take the kids and leave. I kick him out. We get a divorce. Weeks went by where we continued to go and put on our brave face. I could see how miserable he was which broke my heart. So, I did what I had taught my young women to do, I questioned.

Now questioning beliefs within some religions is not exactly welcomed. I never had because I was the girl that believed what her parents, friends and leaders said was truth. I just trusted that they knew and that was good enough but those 9 words challenged me. They made me dig deep and go somewhere I had never even considered going.

I remember I was alone that day. I had several hours where I would have absolutely no interruptions. As I sat on my bed with my phone in my hand, I put my hand on my growing belly and made a promise to my baby that I would try to make the best decision I could, not only for him but for the rest of us. I landed on the official church website. As I pondered what to search, I thought about one of the many topics that I had always felt uncomfortable with but was too afraid to question. I’m not going to get into specifics about WHAT I read but what happened next brought me to tears. As I read, I actually couldn’t believe what I was reading. My heart broke. In fact, I think a piece of it actually died. I just sat there in silence, tears streaming down my face. I remember actually saying a prayer out loud pleading for an answer. Asking for a sign to help me in my decision. Looking back, I knew. I knew that that aching feeling in my soul was telling me exactly what I needed to know. In that moment, I knew that this religion was not for us anymore.

I could not imagine life without my best friend in the whole world. The one who holds me when I need holding, the one who humbly corrects me when I’m wrong, the one who has seen me at my worst yet still seems to love me, the one who supports my crazy whims and ideas. The fact that I entertained the idea of letting go of that amazing human definitely opened my eyes. I need to question EVERYTHING! I may not always find the answer. Sometimes I just need to trust ME. Trust my own intuition because most of the time my gut feeling is right. The beauty of it all….this is a gift we all hold. We all know “that feeling” that we try to ignore. Maybe try giving it a chance. You just might find the next chapter in your story.

There is so much more to my story and I plan on sharing it over time. One day, this will be a book. A book titled, “Free To Be That Girl”. A story for my children about my journey and how I discovered my authentic self and my true purpose . This is not easy to write about because I fear hurting people I love but those that truly know me and my heart know that this comes from a place of healing. If there is one thing that I have learned thus far is that I have a gift to share and by allowing myself grace and kindness, I can help others find their true purpose.

be THAT human…

~ admin ~ Leave a comment

Racism is the refuge for the IGNORANTS

Changing it up today. be THAT human.

I have to address a problem that is happening in our own neck of the woods friends. I spoke with a friend the other day about an incident that happened to her 19 year old daughter while working in a coffee shop….

A gentleman, who really doesn’t deserve this name but that’s what I’ll call him, goes into his regular coffee shop where he orders a coffee made by one of the sweetest young ladies I know. In previous encounters, they have had great conversations but that day he was different. As she hands him his coffee he says to her, “this is all your fucking fault…your people brought this virus into our country” and then proceeded to leave. The young girl is Asian.

As an Asian girl myself who grew up in a small community where the Asian population was less than 1%, if that, I know all too well what it feels like to be discriminated against. I remember hating my ethnicity and just wanted to be the same race as the majority. That way I wouldn’t stick out and then no one would tease me about my eyes or the colour of my skin. (As a child that made perfect sense to me) After I graduated and moved forward with my life, I embraced all of me that was different and I was grateful for my heritage.

To me, racist comments like the one that was thrown at my dear friend are considered hate crimes. What was said was uncalled for, hurtful and just downright ignorant. THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! EVER!!! EVER!!! EVER!!! It is not okay to shame an innocent young girl that is just trying to do her job and brighten someone’s day. WE ARE A HUMAN RACE made up of all sorts of colour, shapes, & sizes. Should we not be holding space for everyone? Should we not be showing as much kindness and compassion towards our fellow humans? Should we not be lifting each other during such an uncertain whirlwind of emotions? Should we not be comforting those that truly need it? YES WE SHOULD! These are unprecedented times where we need to all stand together UNITED!!

STOP with the name calling! STOP with the vandalism to businesses because they employ Asians! We all bleed the same colour. We all have a heart. We are all the same species. We are all in this together. I know the anger is fueled by fear. It’s okay to be afraid. I think it’s safe to say that we all feel it. So instead of lashing out and hurting others with your words or your fists, remember that HUMANITY IS OUR RACE.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

Barack Obama

Be the change. Be the human that people respect. Be the human that shows acceptance. Be the human that doesn’t see colour. Be the human that your kids can be proud of. Be THAT human.

be THAT girl that feels the feelings

~ admin ~ Leave a comment

feel the feeling but don’t become the emotion. acknowledge it, allow it, & release it….

I am writing this on day 4 or quarantine…I’m sure we are all at the point where we have been feeling extremely emotional saying goodbye to our former normal. I know it has been for me and for most of my family & friends. In these uncertain times we start to let our emotions take over which does not serve us, or the people around us, well if we don’t know how to release those emotions. Let’s all be mindful that we need to feel the feelings but becoming the emotion is hazardous to our own health and well-being. Most of us have learned how to suppress our emotions from a very young age. We learn to “get over it” and not deal with that emotion which will absolutely resurface at a later time where we will repeat the same reaction of suppression.

Learning how to process the emotion while feeling the feelings is something that I am still working on. In fact…it’s something that I had to do today. I’m not an expert….let’s just state that fact….but I feel the need to share with my friends what works for me. Take it or leave it. I won’t be offended.

If there is one thing that I have learned over the years…feel your feelings. You hear people say that all the time. What does that mean? To me, it means that whatever feeling arises, I need to honor it and just let it take over my body for a while. Let that feeling come over you like a huge wave and feel it. It will be painful and it will make you ugly cry….well, at least it makes me ugly cry. Like I legit look like an Asian Yoda with tears. And even when I’m all cried out then I look like Hulk Hogan took a few rounds outta me and left me with a very swollen face. (I’m sure you get the picture) When we deny our feelings that can cause us to choose undesired or harmful behavior. Which is never good for any of us.

Once we learn to feel those feelings, we need to acknowledge where those feelings are being stored. For example, some feel tension in our muscles, some feel a sharp pain in an undesired place, some eat, some feel it in the gut and some just feel that “heavy” feeling everywhere. For myself, it us usually a heavy feeling felt in my gut or tension in my muscles. This feeling has caused many sleepless nights. Did you know that motion unwinds emotion? For myself, getting myself in the gym and working out has been the best way for me to unwind. I first started hitting the gym to lose weight but soon realized that it was serving my mental and emotional health far beyond my physical health. Some days when I feel especially emotional, I lay on my yoga mat and meditate after my workout. I turn down the lights, lay on my back comfortably, take really deep breaths and I focus on the inhale and exhale. I think about what emotion I am feeling…I acknowledge it, and then in my mind say…”thank you (emotion…whatever it is) good-bye” and I visualize the word of that emotion actually being blown out with each exhale. I can’t explain the peace I feel after I have let go of those pent up emotions. When we are unbalanced it will cause us to be in a very negative mindset which isn’t good for any of us.

I know this all may sound completely silly but I’m just sharing what works for myself. I’m curious what works for you? Feel free to share your ideas…no judgement on my part but I’d love to hear.

Hang in there friends! I will be posting more and more since I have a little more time on my hands. Haha! We are all in this together.

be THAT girl that doesn’t stress over things she cannot change

~ admin ~ Leave a comment

don’t stress yourself out with things you can’t control or change…

Well friends….I don’t know about you but I am still trying to wrap my head around our new normal. I think what is so difficult to process is the fact that this is uncharted territory for everyone. No one really knows how to move forward in the midst of this chaos. That can be a very scary time for all of us. So, here are my thoughts on the whole thing. STAY CALM.

A lot has happened in the last week alone and there is still more change coming. We can choose to lose our damn minds and let our thoughts spiral us into a tailspin of panic and depression OR we can calm the fuck down and process what our new normal is going to look like. I feel like this is the time to settle in…work together as a human race and as indivuduals. We are all in this together. We are more than just ourselves, we are a community that spans the earth. We need to be asking ourselves what we can do for each other. How can we help each other get through this epidemic as best we can? What does that look like to you? We can all play a part in the prevention and spread of this virus.

I read a beautiful statement by Kitty O’Meara that made me really think about how I’m going to handle this situation…..

And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art and played games and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently.

And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.

Friends, we cannot change what is happening, but we can sure as hell control our actions moving forward as a human race navigating our new normal. What that looks like is completely up to you. For myself and my family, we will do our part in taking the recommended precautions to help aid in not spreading the virus. We will take this time to connect with each other, to strengthen each other and to support one another. There is strength in UNITY…which begins with U!

be THAT girl that empowers other women to be THAT girl

~ admin ~ 1 Comment

“find a group of women who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life”

~amy poehler~

I’ve always wanted to be THAT girl that empowers other women to be amazing. I just love how it makes me feel. I love being that girl in someone else’s corner cheering her on because I’ve had that. I truly believe that friendship over competition wins every frickin time!

I have always wanted to create a community where there is no judgement. Where everyone feels like they have a seat at the table. A place where you walk away feeling like your cup was filled and you are ready to take on your life! There is nothing more frustrating and draining than listening to other women talk negatively about other amazing women who are struggling or are different than us. Those are not my people and I hope those are not your people as well.

I can confidently say that I have such a fantastic tribe of women around me that I feel are going in the same direction. We may have our own paths that we are taking but we are all trying to level up and become the very best versions of ourselves. I love that each one of us has a different journey and has something different to offer. Strength lies in differences, not in similarities. That is the beauty of humanity. We all come from a diverse background and have a different story to tell but if we include each other on the way to our destination and value who they are, we could actually help make a change in each others lives.

Here’s a story….this is how I got the name for my blog. I threw out a question quite a few months ago on Facebook, “If I was to start a blog what would the name be?” and had some really great feedback but nothing was resonating with me. I came across a quote on Pinterest that kinda grabbed my attention but didn’t quite give me that “hell ya!!” moment. Fast forward a few months later, we had a meeting for The Urban Farmwife with our little team. We lunched and wined and had a great visit. That evening one of our gang sent me a quote that said, “BE THAT GIRL WHO ROOTS FOR THE OTHER GIRL, TELLS A STRANGER HER HAIR LOOKS AMAZING AND ENCOURAGES OTHER WOMEN TO BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES AND THEIR DREAMS” BOOM!! My mind started to go in so many directions! From that moment on, I knew that was the name I was looking for. So, THANK YOU Anais…you inspired me and I will be forever grateful. Friends…find your tribe and love them hard. You’ve heard that a million times but that’s because it’s true.