truth and courage are not always comfortable, but they are never weakness…~brene brown~
I’m speaking my truth today. Many of you have messaged me about why I have not posted anything for a while. Thank you for your concern. This is not a post for sympathy. It is simply to dissipate any rumors that may come up and inform my lovely friends of my why. I’m not going to lie….this is not easy to share. I don’t mind sharing my story but when it involves someone else’s story, and not mine to share, then I feel like it is not fair to them but in this case I have to share some of their story to help you understand what is happening.
As you all know I have 6 kiddos. 6 kiddos that I adore and would do anything for. Just over a month ago, my oldest walked out the door and we haven’t really heard from him since. There was no fight, he just left with only the clothes on his back. From what I remember, not even a jacket. Since then, I have tried to contact him over and over again and all I have received is a few quick messages that say “I Love You. I’m okay.” Now, maybe to some that’s okay. Not to me. I know I’m not alone when I say that I would go to the ends of the earth to protect my children. I think that most Moms feel that animal instinct kick in when we feel like we need to protect. Maybe that’s part of the problem but for me to sleep at night, which is not really happening, I need to know that I have done everything in my power to help my kiddo.
He has a story. A story that is his to tell. What I will say about it…his choices are not my choices. They are his responsibility but the reason behind the action may not have been his choice. As a parent, teacher, coach, church leader….we also have to take responsibility for our actions as well.
As of right now, I am okay. I don’t sleep well because my mind drifts off to places that I wish it never went to but I have so much love and support around me. I am taking things day by day one foot in front of the other. My heart aches all day everyday not being able to talk to him. Sometimes I’m angry, sometimes I’m sad but mostly I feel fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that he will never come home. Fear that he will never speak to us again. Fear that he will never see how amazing he is. Fear that he will never know his worth. All I can do is right now is wait. Show up for myself, my other kids and my husband. I need to be the best version of me today so I can be there for everyone else when they need me to.
Don’t feel sorry for me. Just keep doing what you are doing. People go through way worse things than this. To me, this is just another chapter in our story that will eventually turn into another chapter. We all have a journey that helps build us into incredible humans. Keep cheering each other on and ALWAYS….be kind. Remember, (parents, coaches, teachers, leaders),that children will believe what you tell them. Your words can change the course of their lives and not always for the better. They look to us as mentors…BE ONE!