don’t stress yourself out with things you can’t control or change…
Well friends….I don’t know about you but I am still trying to wrap my head around our new normal. I think what is so difficult to process is the fact that this is uncharted territory for everyone. No one really knows how to move forward in the midst of this chaos. That can be a very scary time for all of us. So, here are my thoughts on the whole thing. STAY CALM.
A lot has happened in the last week alone and there is still more change coming. We can choose to lose our damn minds and let our thoughts spiral us into a tailspin of panic and depression OR we can calm the fuck down and process what our new normal is going to look like. I feel like this is the time to settle in…work together as a human race and as indivuduals. We are all in this together. We are more than just ourselves, we are a community that spans the earth. We need to be asking ourselves what we can do for each other. How can we help each other get through this epidemic as best we can? What does that look like to you? We can all play a part in the prevention and spread of this virus.
I read a beautiful statement by Kitty O’Meara that made me really think about how I’m going to handle this situation…..
And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art and played games and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently.
And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.
Friends, we cannot change what is happening, but we can sure as hell control our actions moving forward as a human race navigating our new normal. What that looks like is completely up to you. For myself and my family, we will do our part in taking the recommended precautions to help aid in not spreading the virus. We will take this time to connect with each other, to strengthen each other and to support one another. There is strength in UNITY…which begins with U!
truth and courage are not always comfortable, but they are never weakness…
I’m speaking my truth today. Many of you have messaged me about why I have not posted anything for a while. Thank you for your concern. This is not a post for sympathy. It is simply to dissipate any rumors that may come up and inform my lovely friends of my why. I’m not going to lie….this is not easy to share. I don’t mind sharing my story but when it involves someone else’s story, and not mine to share, then I feel like it is not fair to them but in this case I have to share some of their story to help you understand what is happening.
As you all know I have 6 kiddos. 6 kiddos that I adore and would do anything for. Just over a month ago, my oldest walked out the door and we haven’t really heard from him since. There was no fight, he just left with only the clothes on his back. From what I remember, not even a jacket. Since then, I have tried to contact him over and over again and all I have received is a few quick messages that say “I Love You. I’m okay.” Now, maybe to some that’s okay. Not to me. I know I’m not alone when I say that I would go to the ends of the earth to protect my children. I think that most Moms feel that animal instinct kick in when we feel like we need to protect. Maybe that’s part of the problem but for me to sleep at night, which is not really happening, I need to know that I have done everything in my power to help my kiddo.
He has a story. A story that is his to tell. What I will say about it…his choices are not my choices. They are his responsibility but the reason behind the action may not have been his choice. As a parent, teacher, coach, church leader….we also have to take responsibility for our actions as well.
As of right now, I am okay. I don’t sleep well because my mind drifts off to places that I wish it never went to but I have so much love and support around me. I am taking things day by day one foot in front of the other. My heart aches all day everyday not being able to talk to him. Sometimes I’m angry, sometimes I’m sad but mostly I feel fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that he will never come home. Fear that he will never speak to us again. Fear that he will never see how amazing he is. Fear that he will never know his worth. All I can do is right now is wait. Show up for myself, my other kids and my husband. I need to be the best version of me today so I can be there for everyone else when they need me to.
Don’t feel sorry for me. Just keep doing what you are doing. People go through way worse things than this. To me, this is just another chapter in our story that will eventually turn into another chapter. We all have a journey that helps build us into incredible humans. Keep cheering each other on and ALWAYS….be kind. Remember, (parents, coaches, teachers, leaders),that children will believe what you tell them. Your words can change the course of their lives and not always for the better. They look to us as mentors…BE ONE!
it’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking them…
This is gonna be a long one friends so get cozy….
We have raised each of these incredible humans basically the same and they are all so very different. They each came with their own personalities which is what I absolutely love about them. Life would be so boring if we were all the same. Because we are not all the same and none of our kiddos came with a user manual, we are not going to know how to raise them the “right” way. We will make mistakes. We will not always know the answer. But one thing is for sure…we will do our very best!
I remember when Awesome and I were dating and we had the discussion about kids…you know…the one where you decide how many kids you want to have. I only wanted 2 kids. Awesome wanted lots. Almost a deal breaker but I was far too attracted to his hot legs to give a shit so I brushed it off and figured I would get my way regardless cause I am the girl. Haha! Soon after we were married and I wanted to start having babies, I quickly changed my mind on how many littles I actually wanted. I loved the thought of a big family, maybe not as big as his but bigger than mine. I don’t think we were ever set on a specific number we just figured we’d just know. Each one of our babes were planned…well, except one but that ended in a miscarriage. That’s another story for another day. I remember having number 5 and thinking to myself…can I do this again? Let me just say…do not decide that right after you pushed that watermelon out of your pinhole with no drugs.
Now, our number 5 was not an easy baby. In fact, I’m pretty sure I nicknamed him Satan. LOL! He was the worst sleeper EVER!! Picture this, Awesome’s last year of University (his 9th year). I birth a baby. One week later Awesome begins his last year of dental school. I’m up every hour to feed Satan. I have 4 other kiddos that need me all day (Kato had just turned 7, Kami was 5, Mari was 3, Mak was 1 1/2). By the time the hubby got home, I was ready for a nap. I clearly couldn’t keep functioning like this. I was on the verge of a break-down. So, Awesome being his awesome self, he offered to sleep on the couch with Satan every other night so that at least one of us was getting a good night’s sleep and could recharge. Oh….In case you are wondering….I was not nursing. We put a stop to me nursing when I had the first one. It did not work for us. Anyhoo, after about 4 months of “shift work” for us, he finally started to sleep a few hours at a time so we could get back to a “normal” sleeping schedule.
I remember when number 5 was about 3 years old, I begged Awesome for another baby. I knew that we were supposed to have one more. I just never felt complete even though my sleep deprivation could’ve been the one making the decision….who knows. He was a definite “HELL NO!” At about year 7 of bugging him, I finally accepted the fact that we would not adding another little Aneca to the bunch. Plus I started to do the math and figured that I was getting to old to be a mom. Keep in mind, I started at the ripe old age of 22. I was now 36…obviously too old right? (face in palm)
Well, as you all know, number six found his way into our family when I was 39. Ya…a story for another day but just like I knew, we were not complete until our little Daisuke (Dice) joined us. As hard as it all was to wrap our heads around the idea of a baby 10 years later, he has been the biggest blessing we could’ve asked for. He is such a good mix of all of us combined. He is definitely the center of our universe.
We have been through some really significant changes in our home in the last 4 years. We had a baby and left a religion that basically outlined our existence and purpose. No big deal right? LOL! Needless to say, as our family has grown up and moved forward, we have been through some major speed bumps. Through all of this change we have tried to do our very best in parenting our children with a new set of guidelines that we are still navigating. If there is one thing I know, it’s that in every decision and choice we have made, we have done it because we love our crew so fiercely and want them to succeed in life. Are we the perfect parents? NO! Are we fucking up? ABSOLUTELY! Will we continue to make mistakes? YOU KNOW IT! None of us are getting it right…in fact, I would say that it’s basically a crap-shoot.
So mamas….give yourself some grace. Believe that you are doing a good job and keep trying. That’s all you can do. I see you. I understand hard days….trust me I do. I have a teenage adult. I GET IT! I have those days too where I feel like an absolute failure as a mom. I have those days where I wonder where I went wrong. I have those days where I cry and make it about me. But I also have those days when those little shits hug me, text me, write me notes or even just smile at me, where I know I’ve done something right. Relish in those moments. Allow yourself to take some credit for the good things that they do or say. What I’ve learned is that I can’t control their choices but I can control my choices and how I am going to handle each situation that doesn’t go my way. Just like I need them to be patient with me, I need to be patient with them as they make mistakes and grow. Is it painful to watch them do that? ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY!! It has brought me to tears on multiple occasions but I keep going back to the fact that I know I’ve done my very best and that’s all I can do.
No judgement here Mamas! You go this.
P.S. Number 5 is no longer Satan….he is the kindest, sweetest, funny and quiet child ever!
Stop getting upset over things that don’t matter with the people that do matter….
I don’t know about you but I know for myself, I am givin all the gratitudes I can to God to the Universe to whoever I need to, to show my appreciation for these people right here. The people in my life that matter. And in case no one has told you today….YOU ALL MATTER, to me, to your family and hopefully to yourself. I’ll tell ya what… I am holdin these people a little closer with the recent tragedy that has rocked our world. One minute they’re here, the next minute they’re gone. It happens that fast.
Trust me when I say….it is not easy to let shit go. These people right here are my why, they are the one’s that fulfill me the most yet these are the one’s that can hurt me the most because I have so much LOVE for each and every one of them. There are days when I’ve said or done things to them, either on purpose or by mistake, that I regret and wish I could take back and vice versa. But, at the end of the day, what really matters? I’ll tell you what matters…YOUR HUMANS, YOUR PEOPLE. You know, the one’s that you would give your life for…like jump in front of a train for. I’ve really been thinking a lot today about how fast my reality could change if something were to happen to any of my humans. Life can change in an instant friends.
So, keep this in mind when they leave your side in the morning….did you hug them? And not a quick little “routine” hug, I’m talking a big ass bear hug. What is the last thing you said to them before they left? Were you upset at each other? Or did you let them know just how much you love them? Or if you didn’t get to see them off, did you text them to tell them how much you appreciate and love them? If not….DO IT!! I always have the best intentions to do this but some days I definitely fall short because I think I have time. Well…I’m wrong. “We have time” is a lie we tell ourselves so we don’t feel the guilt. The only moment we know we have for sure is right now. Don’t waste it holding grudges and getting upset about shit that doesn’t really matter. Let it go and hold those precious moments close with your people. THAT, you will never regret.
People with good intentions make promises, but people with good character keep them…
Oh promises, promises, promises…..I can literally hear my mama saying these words to me. I don’t even remember what I did (probably nothing because I was an absolute angel. wink wink.), but those words stuck with me and now I use those exact same words in the exact same voice to my very own “perfect” teenagers. Uggghhh. I swore I would never make my kids feel the guilt but guess what…I DO! It is the only way to get shit across to them. Am I right? What I do know, which isn’t much, is that I put a lot of value on keeping a promise. Which is why, I am very intentional about the promises I do make. But when I do, you can count on me keeping it. Nothing chaps my ass more than a broken promise and especially by my loved ones (family or friend). I do have to admit, I am a complete sucker though. When people say sorry, I typically believe them over and over and over. I love to give people the benefit of the doubt. Is that the easier route? Yes. Is it taxing on your mental health? Yes. Should I change my ways…probably.
Nothing feels better though, than being able to keep a promise. To actually follow through when you commit to something. Not only when I follow through for others but also when I follow through for myself. Gosh…now THAT is good for the mental health I tell ya! The more we keep those promises we make to ourselves the better we will feel mentally! Friends, it won’t fix our mental health completely but it can definitely help. I definitely feel like I’m moving forward in the right direction.
So, I decided back in September to stop drinking diet colas. Now that may not seem like a big deal to some of you but that was a huge decision on my part. I’m talking 3-4 Diet Dr. Pepper’s a DAY, sometimes more! I don’t think I need to explain just how bad that was for me. I also decided to start exercising at least 30 minutes 4-5 days a week. That in itself was hard AF! I hated physical activity unless it included wine and some booty shakin with my girl gang. Well….I haven’t had even a sip of cola AND I have up’d my game and am now working out 7 days a week! I started January 2nd with healthier eating, exercise everyday, drinking half my body weight in oz. of water, reading and writing for 15 minutes each a day. FRIENDS!!! I have kept this promise to myself for 23 days so far and it feels soooo good! I feel as though my physical health, mental health and gut health are all aligning. Sure I have days where it’s a struggle…in fact…most days are a struggle to get to all the things but it all comes down to how bad do I want to keep that promise to myself. Prove it to yourself that you can!! Give yourself permission to say NO to things that aren’t getting you closer to your goals!
Like our favouite little ginger badass boss Rachel Hollis says….“What if I just don’t break this promise to myself?” And maybe let’s go a little bit farther with that and say, “What if I just don’t break this promise to myself and to the people that I care about?” Value yourself and others enough to show your good character and don’t break your promise.
“find a group of women who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life”
I’ve always wanted to be THAT girl that empowers other women to be amazing. I just love how it makes me feel. I love being that girl in someone else’s corner cheering her on because I’ve had that. I truly believe that friendship over competition wins every frickin time!
I have always wanted to create a community where there is no judgement. Where everyone feels like they have a seat at the table. A place where you walk away feeling like your cup was filled and you are ready to take on your life! There is nothing more frustrating and draining than listening to other women talk negatively about other amazing women who are struggling or are different than us. Those are not my people and I hope those are not your people as well.
I can confidently say that I have such a fantastic tribe of women around me that I feel are going in the same direction. We may have our own paths that we are taking but we are all trying to level up and become the very best versions of ourselves. I love that each one of us has a different journey and has something different to offer. Strength lies in differences, not in similarities. That is the beauty of humanity. We all come from a diverse background and have a different story to tell but if we include each other on the way to our destination and value who they are, we could actually help make a change in each others lives.
Here’s a story….this is how I got the name for my blog. I threw out a question quite a few months ago on Facebook, “If I was to start a blog what would the name be?” and had some really great feedback but nothing was resonating with me. I came across a quote on Pinterest that kinda grabbed my attention but didn’t quite give me that “hell ya!!” moment. Fast forward a few months later, we had a meeting for The Urban Farmwife with our little team. We lunched and wined and had a great visit. That evening one of our gang sent me a quote that said, “BE THAT GIRL WHO ROOTS FOR THE OTHER GIRL, TELLS A STRANGER HER HAIR LOOKS AMAZING AND ENCOURAGES OTHER WOMEN TO BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES AND THEIR DREAMS” BOOM!! My mind started to go in so many directions! From that moment on, I knew that was the name I was looking for. So, THANK YOU Anais…you inspired me and I will be forever grateful. Friends…find your tribe and love them hard. You’ve heard that a million times but that’s because it’s true.
I have been thinking, and working on, living everyday of my life with intentions. This is definitely not easy. I can attest to that. My New Years word for 2020 is INTENTION. My goal is to make decisions based on willful direction. But first things first friends….you have to find your EMOTIONAL WHY. I listened to a great podcast by Ed Mylett, “Unlocking Your Success Code”, where he talks about his emotional why vs. why. He explains that when you attach your why to an emotion, you are more willing to follow through. Anything that is attached to an emotion is going to have a greater impact. So, this really got me thinkin. What is my emotional why for the intentions I have set? Well, my intention for making healthier food choices is wanting to be at all the special life events for each one of my kiddos. P.S….this was Ed’s as well. One of my intentions for daily reading and writing is for my mind…..as I’m aging, I’m noticing that my mind isn’t as sharp and it scares the hell out of me that I may end up with alzheimers and I never want to forget who my family or friends are. It seems silly but that’s just me keepin it real. I have more intentions and emotional why’s but you get what I’m saying right?!
Once you have your emotional why, then set your intentions by writing them down in a planner of some sort. I love a good old fashioned pen and paper planner but you can also use your phone calendar as well. Once you have manifested your intention, DO IT!! I, personally, like the paper copy so I can physically check off each intention. It just fulfills something in me to see what I accomplished that day and that gives me the drive to go another day. Seeing results of my intentions is the inspiration I need to get through those harder days where I struggle to KEEP MOVING FORWARD (all I can picture when I hear this phrase is Lewis off of Meet The Robinson’s).
So stop living on auto-pilot and start living on purpose…with INTENTION.
“VULNERABILITY is not winning or losing; its having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome”
I can’t even tell you how many times I have let fear control my life. I would say it’s almost daily. In fact, fear is what has held me back from starting this blog! I’ve wanted to create this blog for a while but the fear of people judging me literally stops me in my tracks. I know I shouldn’t care what other people’s opinions are of me but on some level I absolutely do! I think we all do to some extent. That’s just human nature.
Announcing my blog is scary! I fear judgement, I fear rejection and I fear imposter syndrome! So many things run through my head that it almost makes me quit. Here’s the thing though….I’ve decided I’m not going to live my life in fear of what everyone else thinks of me. I’ve lived that way for far too long. Frankly, it’s exhausting. I’m living my life for ME because at the end of the day, I am the only one that I can actually control.
Are your fears holding you back from your passion and what makes your soul sing? I bet they are. Please, for the love of all things holy, do not let your fears drive your happiness! You will waste too much of your precious life. It’s not worth it. Let’s step into this together. Do something today! Even if all you do is manifest your goal, dream, desire…whatever you want to call it. Decide that today is the first day of YOU stepping into what scares you. Don’t feel like you are alone. YOU ARE NOT!! You have a community of women cheering you on….and I am one of them.
So, here we go. Showing up for ourselves. Being seen. Stepping into our fears. Being Vulnerable. And for shit sakes, hopefully not having an anxiety attack in the meantime.
Well, I’m doing the thing. The thing that I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I’m starting a blog. Yup….I’m goin for it. This blog is completely for me. It’s a place to ramble. I have some stuff to say. It won’t always be pretty….there will be some raw real shit on here. And yes…probably some cuss words cause sometimes that’s the only way to get shit across. There may be some cool stuff I just want to share because I like it. I’ll probably highlight other kick-ass women that inspire me. Who knows…the possibilities are endless.
Now look, I’m not a professional anything so take my word as it is. I’m definitely not a writer but I love to do it so I’m doin it….for ME! Maybe you gain something from it or maybe you don’t. That’s ok. I just love to try to empower and connect with other women who are trying to level up! So hopefully that’s what I do with this not-so-professional blog.
So, here I go….hopefully with a few friends that can stand reading my rants and ramblings. Haha!
P.S. There may be spelling mistakes and a whole lot of improper uses of punctuation but just go with it. ok?